More to Thanksgiving than Turkey

As I’m sure you all know, this past Thursday was Thanksgiving. I find Thanksgiving to be a very interesting holiday because people all across America celebrate it, regardless of their religious beliefs. There are many ways to celebrate this day such as watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, playing a game of football (or watching for those who don’t wish to play), playing games or talking with family and friends, and of course eating a big turkey dinner. However, these aren’t the only ways to celebrate Thanksgiving, and how you choose to spend your holiday can reveal some aspects of your identity.

Just by talking to my friends and seeing what they did for Thanksgiving, I realized that there are a lot of different ways to celebrate holidays. Some went to a relative’s house, some celebrated with neighbors, some had family or friends over to their house, and my family just kept it simple, stayed home, and stayed in our pajamas all day. The different people that we choose to spend our holidays with show the relationships that we highly value in our lives. For instance, my family greatly values closeness within our immediate family, so with my brother home from college we chose to just celebrate as a small family. My friend has many relatives that live in the area, so it is a tradition for them to all gather at one person’s house as a huge group and celebrate together. For others, this important relationship may be with the family next door that they have become very close with, so they choose to celebrate with them.

The different people we choose to surround ourselves with and the things we choose to do on important days such as Thanksgiving show something about us. For instance, I am more comfortable in smaller groups of people, so I celebrated with just my immediate family. I also enjoy just relaxing as a means of entertainment, so my family and I watched a movie together and played a game. However, being part of a family means that you aren’t always going to get your way and sometimes you will have to step outside of your comfort zone on a holiday to make other people happy. There are years that we travel on thanksgiving to go celebrate with a larger group of people, and because I am part of a family, I need to accept that. So, even though we all have personal preferences for how we would like to spend our holidays, sometimes you need to take a step outside your comfort zone to be with the people who make you who you are.

Happiness: What is it to you?

Every Tuesday night at seven o’clock, I go into my basement and turn on the CW to watch One Tree Hill, a favorite television program of mine. I like watching this show because it’s full of drama, both good and bad, and it lets me escape to an alternate world for an hour. Usually, once it’s over I go back upstairs into reality to finish my homework and head to bed. However, this past Tuesday I was left with a quote in my head that has been stuck there until now. One of the characters, Julian, said to his fiancé,

“I feel like people get lost when they think of happiness as a destination. We’re always thinking someday we’ll be happy, that we’ll get that job or that car or that person in our lives that will fix everything. But happiness is a mood. And it’s a condition, not a destination. It’s like being tired or hungry. It’s not permanent. It comes and goes, and that’s okay. And I feel that if people thought of it that way they’d find happiness a lot more often.”

This quote really stood out to me because it’s something that I had never really thought about before. But, once I started thinking about it, I realized that the way that you view something as seemingly simply as happiness can largely affect your identity.

Something in the Distance
People who view happiness as a destination are often very ambitious because they are trying to accomplish some far off goal that will ultimately bring them happiness. However, this ambition often overshadows the small victories that this person makes along the way, depriving them of the little joys in life. These people are usually in a rush to get certain “unpleasant” aspects of their lives over with, but they forget to stop and be thankful for every moment of their time on Earth.

Going With the Flow
People who view happiness as a condition or mood are usually more easygoing and have an easier time accepting change or hard times because they know that they will find happiness again. These people are good at finding the silver lining in situations that may seem hopeless. Often times, viewing happiness as a condition rather than a destination allows for the enjoyment of every day, rather than wishing to pass over precious time just because you are waiting for something great to happen.

Where Am I?
I don’t believe that there are many people in the world that strictly fit into one category or the other. We all have our moments when we forget to enjoy the time we have because we are looking forward to something else. There is nothing wrong with being ambitious; you just need to remember not to let the road to accomplishing a goal get in the way of noticing the other great things that happen to you along the way. Viewing happiness as a condition isn’t an extremely difficult thing to do if you consciously try. My challenge for you this week is to be aware of the way you view happiness, and try to think of it as a condition that comes and goes, not something to strive for someday. In the words of Julian, if you can do this, you will “find happiness a lot more often.”

If you still find yourself struggling to be happy, check out this blog post by Gretchen Rubin about 10 Common Happiness Mistakes.

Cruelty Through A Computer

As you may know, this October was declared “Anti-Bullying Awareness Month” because of the recent high rate of suicides among young people due to cyber-bullying. I was watching the news and was horrified to hear the stories of people such as Tyler Clementi taking their own lives due to their peers abusing the internet in order to bully them. Not all cyber-bullying is as visible to the public as the video that was posted of Tyler Clementi, but that doesn’t make it any less dangerous. With Facebook, texting, instant messaging, Twitter, and a number of other social networks easily accessible to people of all ages, teenagers and even younger children have the capability to say whatever they want to whomever at the push of a button. This form of bullying can be even more dangerous than a physical encounter with a bully because people will very often say things online that they wouldn’t be able to say to a person’s face.

It is completely normal to want to fit in with your peers and feel accepted, but some people value popularity too highly and will put others down if it means getting to the top. There are certain social stereotypes such as being pretty, funny, or athletic that seem to make a person more “socially acceptable” in middle school and high school. Once a person feels like they do not fit into these stereotypes, their self confidence slowly deteriorates and they would give anything to just feel like they belong. But often times, those people who deem themselves the more “socially acceptable” will cut others down and make sure that they feel like they are not good enough in order to try to make themselves look good and remain the “popular” ones. Many experts believe that bullying is actually a sign of a person with major insecurities, but that is no excuse for them to treat others as if they are lesser beings. This combination of teens with an already negative self-image and peers that prey on pointing out the flaws of others causes a dangerous situation to arise. Add a computer into the mix, and it gets even worse.

If there is one concept that you take away from reading this blog post, I want it to be tolerance: tolerance for people’s differences, tolerance for what you don’t understand, tolerance for the identities of the people around you. We all have things that we would like to change about ourselves because nobody is perfect, but those imperfections are a part of your identity that you should embrace rather than try to hide. You are going to encounter people in your lifetime that will say things to you for the sole purpose of making you look bad and making themselves look good. I wish that we could make everybody see the importance of tolerance, but unfortunately not everybody will listen, and we can’t make them. But what we can do is try to stop criticizing ourselves; and even more importantly, try to ignore those who criticize us. I know that is much easier said than done, but it is a challenge that I hope you will all take on.

If you are in a situation where somebody is bullying you to the point that ignoring them seems impossible, remember that you are not alone. Here are some places that you can turn to for help:

http://www.samaritans.org/

http://metanoia.org/suicide/

http://www.wahijournal.org/?p=2479