This past week, I took my first semester of senior year final exams. Once the last test was over, seniors flooded out into the hallways with smiles on their faces and the same words were on everybody’s lips, “ We’re second semester seniors!”
Many people associate the second semester of senior year with relaxing and slacking off, but it actually can be a stressful time for many seniors as they attempt to make one of the biggest decisions in their lives thusfar. Deciding where to go to college is a daunting task for many people because it is the first time they will be living on their own. Although that may be exciting, it makes me a little nervous.
Where to go?
When I first began my search for colleges, I didn’t think that I had many preferences when it came to distance from home, religious affiliations, or the sizes of schools. However, as college is becoming more of a reality, I’m starting to get a better sense of what I want. I’ve come to realize that I prefer larger schools within the Midwest with no religious affiliations. Realizing this about myself was an important step in my selection process because it has helped me narrow my list of ten down to three, The University of Michigan, The University of Wisconsin-Madison, and Indiana University.
Bring on the Change
Making any sort of life changing decision, such as where to go to college, can be very difficult because people often feel that change threatens their identity. It’s true that being put in entirely new surroundings and living on your own can affect the person that you are, but that is just a part of maturing. How you adapt to change says a lot about your identity. Some people are naturally more comfortable with change and freely accept it, while others are scared by even the thought of change. I’ll admit that I’m one of the people who is easily frightened and stressed out by the thought of change and it takes me a little longer than some people to adapt to new situations. However, I’ve learned that change is never actually as scary as I anticipate it to be and adapting to change doesn’t have to be a huge struggle.
Decisions, Decisions, Decisions...
If you are similar to me and struggle with making big decisions or adapting to change, it’s okay, there are ways to work through it. I’ve found that talking to a family member or close friend about the decision I’m trying to make and getting an outside opinion on the matter can be a big help. Also, you need to understand that making a big decision takes time. So, if you find yourself becoming overwhelmed or struggling to make up your mind, go do something else for awhile, clear your head, and come back to the decision later. Don’t be afraid to take chances or make changes in your life just because you feel like it will change who you are. Your identity can change and grow just as your outer appearance can. Change can be good.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Color Me Butterfly
One of my favorite pastimes is to go to my local bookstore, pick out several books I know little or nothing about, and purchase them. I think that stories are more fun to read if I have no preconceived notion of what to expect from the book. Recently, I picked up a book called Color Me Butterfly, and had a very hard time putting it back down.
This book, written by L.Y. Marlow, is about three generations of African American women struggling with abuse and racism. Their stories were both heartbreaking and inspiring because the women had to deal with the men they loved most in their lives causing them immense amounts of physical and emotional pain, while keeping a strong face for their children. Reading of the hard times these women went through was unsettling because it seemed that every time they would take a step forward, their lives would take two steps back with the loss of a child, the arrest of a husband, or a deadly disease caught by their mother. Every page brought a new challenge. However, the most surprising part of the whole book didn’t come until the very end, on the “Acknowledgements” page, where it was revealed that every part of this story was true, as it was composed of the life stories of the author, her mother, and grandmother. Knowing that all of the difficulties I read about were actually faced by a family gave me a great sense of respect for these women and their incredible strength.
What really stood out to me about this book were the immense limitations to identity that the women in the story faced. Being treated like a piece of worthless trash both physically and verbally is extremely detrimental to one’s identity. Many people who are in abusive relationships are not able to overcome the physical and mental pain, and often end up depressed or with very low self-esteem. Being able to look beyond the abuse and see that you are an important person who deserves to be happy can be difficult, however the women in Color Me Butterfly prove that with the help of family and friends, it is possible to overcome these hardships.
L.Y. Marlow is a talented author who writes in a way that captivates her readers and really pulls them into her story. She did a wonderful job of filling the pages of her story with real emotions that could be felt by the readers. It feels as if you get to know and understand the characters in the story as you read about their thoughts and feelings. I would recommend Color Me Butterfly to all readers who are looking for an emotional and inspirational true story that touches your heart.
This book, written by L.Y. Marlow, is about three generations of African American women struggling with abuse and racism. Their stories were both heartbreaking and inspiring because the women had to deal with the men they loved most in their lives causing them immense amounts of physical and emotional pain, while keeping a strong face for their children. Reading of the hard times these women went through was unsettling because it seemed that every time they would take a step forward, their lives would take two steps back with the loss of a child, the arrest of a husband, or a deadly disease caught by their mother. Every page brought a new challenge. However, the most surprising part of the whole book didn’t come until the very end, on the “Acknowledgements” page, where it was revealed that every part of this story was true, as it was composed of the life stories of the author, her mother, and grandmother. Knowing that all of the difficulties I read about were actually faced by a family gave me a great sense of respect for these women and their incredible strength.
What really stood out to me about this book were the immense limitations to identity that the women in the story faced. Being treated like a piece of worthless trash both physically and verbally is extremely detrimental to one’s identity. Many people who are in abusive relationships are not able to overcome the physical and mental pain, and often end up depressed or with very low self-esteem. Being able to look beyond the abuse and see that you are an important person who deserves to be happy can be difficult, however the women in Color Me Butterfly prove that with the help of family and friends, it is possible to overcome these hardships.
L.Y. Marlow is a talented author who writes in a way that captivates her readers and really pulls them into her story. She did a wonderful job of filling the pages of her story with real emotions that could be felt by the readers. It feels as if you get to know and understand the characters in the story as you read about their thoughts and feelings. I would recommend Color Me Butterfly to all readers who are looking for an emotional and inspirational true story that touches your heart.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Stress Who?
We all get stressed every now and then; especially around this time of year as we’re scrambling to get things ready for the holidays so that winter break can hopefully be relaxing. Stress can be an obstacle that prevents you from doing what you want, and sometimes even being who you want to be. There are many things that can cause stress: school, work, family, friends, social obligations, and countless others. There isn’t any real way to completely avoid stress because it is a part of life that everybody will experience. However, there is good news. Once you have accepted that stress will be part of your life sometimes, you can experiment with a number of different ways to relieve or reduce the amount of stress you have to deal with.
How to Deal
There is no right way to deal with stress because we are all different. Some people find that music (listening to, playing, or singing) is a good way to relieve stress. Others find that just driving around can be a very calming experience. One of my personal favorite ways to alleviate stress is to lose myself in a good movie or tv show and just escape reality for a little bit, because often once I return to it I find that things aren’t as bad as I thought they were. What’s your favorite way of dealing with stress? I’m interested in finding new methods.
How NOT to Deal
Even though there is no right way to deal with stress, there are some wrong ways. Anything that involves hurting yourself or others is an unproductive and dangerous way of handling a stressful situation. If there is any question in your mind whether or not the way you are handling your stress is dangerous, chances are you should find a new method.
When Stress Becomes You
You may be wondering what stress has to do with your identity. Being stressed is an emotion, not something that defines you, right? To a certain extent, yes. However, like any emotion, if you don’t know how to control it, stress can consume you and define how you live your life. Being stressed can lead to problems with your mental and physical health, and can also affect the way that you treat the people around you. As I’m sure you’re aware, people who are under a lot of stress aren’t always the most pleasant to be around. None of us want to be known as that grumpy person, so as an early new year’s resolution let’s promise to find healthy ways to reduce the amount of stress in our lives.
How to Deal
There is no right way to deal with stress because we are all different. Some people find that music (listening to, playing, or singing) is a good way to relieve stress. Others find that just driving around can be a very calming experience. One of my personal favorite ways to alleviate stress is to lose myself in a good movie or tv show and just escape reality for a little bit, because often once I return to it I find that things aren’t as bad as I thought they were. What’s your favorite way of dealing with stress? I’m interested in finding new methods.
How NOT to Deal
Even though there is no right way to deal with stress, there are some wrong ways. Anything that involves hurting yourself or others is an unproductive and dangerous way of handling a stressful situation. If there is any question in your mind whether or not the way you are handling your stress is dangerous, chances are you should find a new method.
When Stress Becomes You
You may be wondering what stress has to do with your identity. Being stressed is an emotion, not something that defines you, right? To a certain extent, yes. However, like any emotion, if you don’t know how to control it, stress can consume you and define how you live your life. Being stressed can lead to problems with your mental and physical health, and can also affect the way that you treat the people around you. As I’m sure you’re aware, people who are under a lot of stress aren’t always the most pleasant to be around. None of us want to be known as that grumpy person, so as an early new year’s resolution let’s promise to find healthy ways to reduce the amount of stress in our lives.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
My Life, My Religion
Currently, in my English and History classes, we are studying the Islamic Revolution. We have watched the film Persepolis and are currently reading Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi, two different works that teach about Islamic culture and the oppressive regime that the people living in Iran during the Revolution faced. We are also using blogs as a means of information about Islam to get perspectives that we may not get elsewhere. However, not all blogs about Islam are purely for educational purposes, as I found when I stumbled across faithfreedom.org. This blog contained different articles, poems, and charts about the Islamic faith that I found highly offensive. For example, there is a chart labeled “differences between Jesus and Muhammad” that makes Muhammad seem like a heartless murderer and Jesus seem flawless. Even being a Christian who worships Jesus, I have a problem with this chart because the author is skewing the story of Islam to make Muhammad seem to be something he is not.
My Beliefs
For many people, religion is a part of who they are and plays a big role in their daily life. People don’t go around questioning why you have brown eyes and two sisters; they just accept that that’s who you are. So why should your religion be any different? Unfortunately, there are people in this world that think that their way is the only right way, and anybody who disagrees or has a conflicting idea is wrong. There are these closed-minded people in every faith, so there is always going to be somebody who disagrees with your beliefs or values. The important thing to remember is that how somebody else feels about your religion doesn’t matter.
My Choice
What’s really important is that you stay true to your beliefs because they are a big part of your identity. Even if you don’t completely agree with every aspect of your own religion, that is something you should recognize and accept. When people say cruel things about the beliefs that make up who you are, such as the author of faithfreedom.org, it is okay to get mad or feel hurt because it is a very personal attack. However, you can’t allow these cruel words to lead you to question your faith because then you are letting other people decide your identity for you. The judgments that others pass about you or your beliefs can be a limitation to your identity that isn’t always easy to overcome, but stay true to yourself because those strongly-spoken people don’t have any authority to tell you what to believe.
My Beliefs
For many people, religion is a part of who they are and plays a big role in their daily life. People don’t go around questioning why you have brown eyes and two sisters; they just accept that that’s who you are. So why should your religion be any different? Unfortunately, there are people in this world that think that their way is the only right way, and anybody who disagrees or has a conflicting idea is wrong. There are these closed-minded people in every faith, so there is always going to be somebody who disagrees with your beliefs or values. The important thing to remember is that how somebody else feels about your religion doesn’t matter.
My Choice
What’s really important is that you stay true to your beliefs because they are a big part of your identity. Even if you don’t completely agree with every aspect of your own religion, that is something you should recognize and accept. When people say cruel things about the beliefs that make up who you are, such as the author of faithfreedom.org, it is okay to get mad or feel hurt because it is a very personal attack. However, you can’t allow these cruel words to lead you to question your faith because then you are letting other people decide your identity for you. The judgments that others pass about you or your beliefs can be a limitation to your identity that isn’t always easy to overcome, but stay true to yourself because those strongly-spoken people don’t have any authority to tell you what to believe.
Monday, November 29, 2010
More to Thanksgiving than Turkey
As I’m sure you all know, this past Thursday was Thanksgiving. I find Thanksgiving to be a very interesting holiday because people all across America celebrate it, regardless of their religious beliefs. There are many ways to celebrate this day such as watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, playing a game of football (or watching for those who don’t wish to play), playing games or talking with family and friends, and of course eating a big turkey dinner. However, these aren’t the only ways to celebrate Thanksgiving, and how you choose to spend your holiday can reveal some aspects of your identity.
Just by talking to my friends and seeing what they did for Thanksgiving, I realized that there are a lot of different ways to celebrate holidays. Some went to a relative’s house, some celebrated with neighbors, some had family or friends over to their house, and my family just kept it simple, stayed home, and stayed in our pajamas all day. The different people that we choose to spend our holidays with show the relationships that we highly value in our lives. For instance, my family greatly values closeness within our immediate family, so with my brother home from college we chose to just celebrate as a small family. My friend has many relatives that live in the area, so it is a tradition for them to all gather at one person’s house as a huge group and celebrate together. For others, this important relationship may be with the family next door that they have become very close with, so they choose to celebrate with them.
The different people we choose to surround ourselves with and the things we choose to do on important days such as Thanksgiving show something about us. For instance, I am more comfortable in smaller groups of people, so I celebrated with just my immediate family. I also enjoy just relaxing as a means of entertainment, so my family and I watched a movie together and played a game. However, being part of a family means that you aren’t always going to get your way and sometimes you will have to step outside of your comfort zone on a holiday to make other people happy. There are years that we travel on thanksgiving to go celebrate with a larger group of people, and because I am part of a family, I need to accept that. So, even though we all have personal preferences for how we would like to spend our holidays, sometimes you need to take a step outside your comfort zone to be with the people who make you who you are.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Happiness: What is it to you?
Every Tuesday night at seven o’clock, I go into my basement and turn on the CW to watch One Tree Hill, a favorite television program of mine. I like watching this show because it’s full of drama, both good and bad, and it lets me escape to an alternate world for an hour. Usually, once it’s over I go back upstairs into reality to finish my homework and head to bed. However, this past Tuesday I was left with a quote in my head that has been stuck there until now. One of the characters, Julian, said to his fiancé,
This quote really stood out to me because it’s something that I had never really thought about before. But, once I started thinking about it, I realized that the way that you view something as seemingly simply as happiness can largely affect your identity.
Something in the Distance
People who view happiness as a destination are often very ambitious because they are trying to accomplish some far off goal that will ultimately bring them happiness. However, this ambition often overshadows the small victories that this person makes along the way, depriving them of the little joys in life. These people are usually in a rush to get certain “unpleasant” aspects of their lives over with, but they forget to stop and be thankful for every moment of their time on Earth.
Going With the Flow
People who view happiness as a condition or mood are usually more easygoing and have an easier time accepting change or hard times because they know that they will find happiness again. These people are good at finding the silver lining in situations that may seem hopeless. Often times, viewing happiness as a condition rather than a destination allows for the enjoyment of every day, rather than wishing to pass over precious time just because you are waiting for something great to happen.
Where Am I?
I don’t believe that there are many people in the world that strictly fit into one category or the other. We all have our moments when we forget to enjoy the time we have because we are looking forward to something else. There is nothing wrong with being ambitious; you just need to remember not to let the road to accomplishing a goal get in the way of noticing the other great things that happen to you along the way. Viewing happiness as a condition isn’t an extremely difficult thing to do if you consciously try. My challenge for you this week is to be aware of the way you view happiness, and try to think of it as a condition that comes and goes, not something to strive for someday. In the words of Julian, if you can do this, you will “find happiness a lot more often.”
If you still find yourself struggling to be happy, check out this blog post by Gretchen Rubin about 10 Common Happiness Mistakes.
“I feel like people get lost when they think of happiness as a destination. We’re always thinking someday we’ll be happy, that we’ll get that job or that car or that person in our lives that will fix everything. But happiness is a mood. And it’s a condition, not a destination. It’s like being tired or hungry. It’s not permanent. It comes and goes, and that’s okay. And I feel that if people thought of it that way they’d find happiness a lot more often.”
This quote really stood out to me because it’s something that I had never really thought about before. But, once I started thinking about it, I realized that the way that you view something as seemingly simply as happiness can largely affect your identity.
Something in the Distance
People who view happiness as a destination are often very ambitious because they are trying to accomplish some far off goal that will ultimately bring them happiness. However, this ambition often overshadows the small victories that this person makes along the way, depriving them of the little joys in life. These people are usually in a rush to get certain “unpleasant” aspects of their lives over with, but they forget to stop and be thankful for every moment of their time on Earth.
Going With the Flow
People who view happiness as a condition or mood are usually more easygoing and have an easier time accepting change or hard times because they know that they will find happiness again. These people are good at finding the silver lining in situations that may seem hopeless. Often times, viewing happiness as a condition rather than a destination allows for the enjoyment of every day, rather than wishing to pass over precious time just because you are waiting for something great to happen.
Where Am I?
I don’t believe that there are many people in the world that strictly fit into one category or the other. We all have our moments when we forget to enjoy the time we have because we are looking forward to something else. There is nothing wrong with being ambitious; you just need to remember not to let the road to accomplishing a goal get in the way of noticing the other great things that happen to you along the way. Viewing happiness as a condition isn’t an extremely difficult thing to do if you consciously try. My challenge for you this week is to be aware of the way you view happiness, and try to think of it as a condition that comes and goes, not something to strive for someday. In the words of Julian, if you can do this, you will “find happiness a lot more often.”
If you still find yourself struggling to be happy, check out this blog post by Gretchen Rubin about 10 Common Happiness Mistakes.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Cruelty Through A Computer
As you may know, this October was declared “Anti-Bullying Awareness Month” because of the recent high rate of suicides among young people due to cyber-bullying. I was watching the news and was horrified to hear the stories of people such as Tyler Clementi taking their own lives due to their peers abusing the internet in order to bully them. Not all cyber-bullying is as visible to the public as the video that was posted of Tyler Clementi, but that doesn’t make it any less dangerous. With Facebook, texting, instant messaging, Twitter, and a number of other social networks easily accessible to people of all ages, teenagers and even younger children have the capability to say whatever they want to whomever at the push of a button. This form of bullying can be even more dangerous than a physical encounter with a bully because people will very often say things online that they wouldn’t be able to say to a person’s face.
It is completely normal to want to fit in with your peers and feel accepted, but some people value popularity too highly and will put others down if it means getting to the top. There are certain social stereotypes such as being pretty, funny, or athletic that seem to make a person more “socially acceptable” in middle school and high school. Once a person feels like they do not fit into these stereotypes, their self confidence slowly deteriorates and they would give anything to just feel like they belong. But often times, those people who deem themselves the more “socially acceptable” will cut others down and make sure that they feel like they are not good enough in order to try to make themselves look good and remain the “popular” ones. Many experts believe that bullying is actually a sign of a person with major insecurities, but that is no excuse for them to treat others as if they are lesser beings. This combination of teens with an already negative self-image and peers that prey on pointing out the flaws of others causes a dangerous situation to arise. Add a computer into the mix, and it gets even worse.
If there is one concept that you take away from reading this blog post, I want it to be tolerance: tolerance for people’s differences, tolerance for what you don’t understand, tolerance for the identities of the people around you. We all have things that we would like to change about ourselves because nobody is perfect, but those imperfections are a part of your identity that you should embrace rather than try to hide. You are going to encounter people in your lifetime that will say things to you for the sole purpose of making you look bad and making themselves look good. I wish that we could make everybody see the importance of tolerance, but unfortunately not everybody will listen, and we can’t make them. But what we can do is try to stop criticizing ourselves; and even more importantly, try to ignore those who criticize us. I know that is much easier said than done, but it is a challenge that I hope you will all take on.
If you are in a situation where somebody is bullying you to the point that ignoring them seems impossible, remember that you are not alone. Here are some places that you can turn to for help:
http://www.samaritans.org/
http://metanoia.org/suicide/
http://www.wahijournal.org/?p=2479
It is completely normal to want to fit in with your peers and feel accepted, but some people value popularity too highly and will put others down if it means getting to the top. There are certain social stereotypes such as being pretty, funny, or athletic that seem to make a person more “socially acceptable” in middle school and high school. Once a person feels like they do not fit into these stereotypes, their self confidence slowly deteriorates and they would give anything to just feel like they belong. But often times, those people who deem themselves the more “socially acceptable” will cut others down and make sure that they feel like they are not good enough in order to try to make themselves look good and remain the “popular” ones. Many experts believe that bullying is actually a sign of a person with major insecurities, but that is no excuse for them to treat others as if they are lesser beings. This combination of teens with an already negative self-image and peers that prey on pointing out the flaws of others causes a dangerous situation to arise. Add a computer into the mix, and it gets even worse.
If there is one concept that you take away from reading this blog post, I want it to be tolerance: tolerance for people’s differences, tolerance for what you don’t understand, tolerance for the identities of the people around you. We all have things that we would like to change about ourselves because nobody is perfect, but those imperfections are a part of your identity that you should embrace rather than try to hide. You are going to encounter people in your lifetime that will say things to you for the sole purpose of making you look bad and making themselves look good. I wish that we could make everybody see the importance of tolerance, but unfortunately not everybody will listen, and we can’t make them. But what we can do is try to stop criticizing ourselves; and even more importantly, try to ignore those who criticize us. I know that is much easier said than done, but it is a challenge that I hope you will all take on.
If you are in a situation where somebody is bullying you to the point that ignoring them seems impossible, remember that you are not alone. Here are some places that you can turn to for help:
http://www.samaritans.org/
http://metanoia.org/suicide/
http://www.wahijournal.org/?p=2479
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